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Travel StoriesFrolicking In The Flattish Lands
Prologue And A Rough First Day
Leading Up To and Ride Date 10 Nov 2025
By Ren Withnell
Epilogue
I still have some holidays to use.
Calm down! It has been suggested I'm ALWAYS on bleeding holiday but listen up right... right? OK, breathe, relax. I've had a day off for a weekend in Wales (Bruce Pollard Rally). A long weekend in Derbyshire (Ashbourne). A week in Ayrshire (Kilmarnock). A week to see my pop with a detour (Tour). A week to spread mum's ashes (Tywyn). That - dear reader - comes to under 4 weeks off plus I "purchased" an extra week's holiday in a scheme at work. Plus I had a few days left over from last year.
So I still have well over a week to use. But where to go?! I've been up north to Scotland, albeit southern Scotland. I've been to Wales several times. I've been daaaan saaaaf. The only direction left is east. I have been east before obviously, but not recently.
The problem with east is it's either a bleeding long way north up to Northumbria to get anywhere interesting, a long way south to get to East Anglia, or a fair way east to Lincolnshire or Humberside. This is November - I don't want a big ride when there's the risk of snow or ice. I don't fancy camping in Sheffield or Leeds either. Oh what is a wannabe wild adventurer (who doesn't want to get too cold or too wet or go too far from home) to do??
Head North-East? Can't see owt because of the perpetual mist. (Lindisfarne Castle)
Head South East? Can't see owt because of the perpetual rain. (Hunstanton Beach)
Most of the campsites are shut. There's the odd one or two open here and there but they're either miles from shops (or civilisation if the snow comes) or charging £90 per night for a wooden tent because the field camping is closed. I open Airbnb just to see if anything grabs me.
£50 a night for a room in some random house in Lincoln. £120 an night for a pokey gypsy caravan in someone's back garden. £78 per night for a top floor studio flat in Leeds town centre. Pfffft. Wait, what? £20 per night for a static caravan in Skegness - sorry Ingoldmells just north of Skeggy? On the same complex there's another static offered at £40 per night - there must be a catch, surely. Don't call me Shirley.
I look, I check. That weekend I check with Sharon. It is there. It looks legitimate. It's about the same price as camping. Sharon's even considering coming with me if I'm not camping. 4 nights for £80, Monday through Friday. Yeah but no but right. Oh I'm not sure.
Lincolnshire - it's flat. Not East Anglia flat but we won't be enjoying Alpine twisties and rugged fjords will we. Fields and tractors in the countryside, arcades and tat shops on the coast, that's all we'll get. I mean yeah OK we did enjoy Lincolnshire but well, since then we've been spoiled with Snowdonia, Picos, and Highland places. Meh. But it's cheap, it's somewhere we've not been recently, it's a caravan in November not a tent, and it's a break away from work.
I'm talking "we" now. Sharon is coming with me on the proviso if the weather is poop we can take the car. Fair enough.
10 November.
The forecast is for rain. Not snow, not ice, but some rain. Sharon does ask "bike or car" but my heart is set on the bike already. I fear she'll insist but no, no she's up for this. Fool.
We could take the motorway and Google maps suggests this will take about 4 hours, in reality 5 or 6 with breaks. Or we can cut across country via Derbyshire, Chesterfield, and Lincoln. Maybe 4.5 hours, in reality 6 maybe 7 hours with breaks. It's a long ride but it'll be more interesting.
As we depart it is dry, perhaps even nice with the odd bit of sunshine. M56, A6 to Buxton, then to The Yondermann Cafe east of Buxton. By the time we get there (about 1/3 of the trip done) we are cold. The weather is already here, I can feel the change, the temperature has dropped and rain seems inevitable. A brew and a pee and a chat with a couple who are trying to get their bikes back on the road after several years.
As soon as we leave the cafe the rain starts. It's not a deluge but it is wet, the wet sucks the heat out of our gloves and boots. Chesterfield is a drag of traffic and lanes. There's countryside and hills, trees and fields, pretty villages and fascinating farms. None of which we really see through the be-dribbled visors, the focus is on the road ahead and munching miles.
Sharon is going to kill me. We could be, perhaps should be in the car. While not as... errr... exciting we'd be at least warm and dry and comfortable. We could be talking about that program we watched, admiring that thatched cottage together, even holding hands between gear shifts. The rain would still be falling but it wouldn't matter so much. I fear I'm done for.
Lincoln eventually comes into view. I seem to recall it's a small city, more like a local town. Nope. Traffic, multilane confusion, industrial estates and complex junctions. To cap it all the police seem to be closing half the roads down, fortunately not our half. Something is afoot, I know not what. By the time sat-nav guides us into the car park of Morrisons I'm exhausted, Sharon must be completely done in by now. We're about 2/3 of the way there.
I can see and sense Sharon's not at her best but her mood and willpower is holding. We decide a proper meal is in order and save for some confusion with the ordering system Morrison's comes up with the sausage egg chips and beans I think we both need to keep us going. Outside the rain continues, it's almost 1500 by the time we leave. Darkness isn't due until 1630 but it's already dusk with the leaden skies. We have another hour and a quarter to ride...
The straighter roads and open bends of Lincolnshire are a little easier to negotiate given the current inclement weather. Save for being cold and wet it's all going according to plan, sat-nav reckons well be there around 1615, before dark. Sharon has not murdered me yet and now we're about 35 minutes from Ingoldmells, and the relief of a static caravan with heating.
This thought has been in my head since I made the booking - if it's too good to be true then it's not true. I mean it's £80 for 4 nights, it's worth a shot, we've booked through Airbnb using Paypal via my credit card - if it is too good to be true I have 3 different means of getting my money back. Right now in the heaving rain with darkness growing closer - if this static does not exist Sharon won't just murder me, she'll ensure my demise will be slow, painful, and as miserable as possible. I am cold I am tired and I am scared.
Poop. Knob. And many curses beside. I have missed the turning and now there's a closed road ahead. Fear not sat-nav will save me. The time to arrival jumps from 14 minutes to 23 minutes. I follow as the darkness closes in.
This lane is narrow, potholed, and has striations that are pulling the bike here and there. It's getting too dark to see the lane and the potholes through the rain soaked visor. I must slow, I watch Sharon in the mirrors, pleading that's she's not pulled into a ditch by a tarmac trap.
20 minutes, 15 minutes, 13 minutes to go. Oh for GOD'S SAKE! Another closed road. 21 minutes to go. It's almost dark now and the rain is biblical. Sharon is still there behind me - just - she's struggling with junctions as it's too dark and too wet to see anything really. My sat-nav is my phone and my phone is now ringing - it's the holiday site. It's too dark and too wet to answer it. Oh no... what if they're calling to cancel? They've had a flood?
5 minutes. 4 minutes. Ah, I recognise this from my Street View planning. We are close, so close. Please PLEASE be right. I know the site exists but please let the booking be right, please let the static be at least OK, I hope to god the heating works.
"Err... mister - W. I. T. Ah here we are" Phew. "You look tired - caravan 123, just here, follow the..." We do have a booking, thank flip for that. We have a caravan, woohoo! Sharon is stood in reception, still has her helmet on and is dripping on the floor. She won't kill me here, not in public. It takes a moment but we find the static. The key works. Inside is fine. I find the heating which is simple to use and crank it up. There is hope.
She confuses me this woman. She is now in "let's get this all sorted" mode. Wet gear in the 2nd toilet room, hung on hangers found in the closets. Cold damp jackets and pants over the seats beside radiators that are warming nicely. "You put that there, I'll put this here, don't put them there they'll never dry, oooh there's a carpet cleaner!" She is evidently exhausted but barely a mufty of complaint or resentment - save for one comment - "I was riding just constantly thinking we should have come in the car, we should have come in the car, we should have come in the car..."
I am so glad we ate in Morrisons. We don't need to cook tonight, we have some snacks we purchased from Morrisons. As such we can just sit the hell down and relax. This caravan isn't as sparkly clean as the last one in Wales - there's a few marks on the carpet and the cushions are aging. Otherwise it's clean and functional and most importantly today - the heating works a treat.
Sharon busies herself occasionally with mopping the excess drips from our kit and repositioning things for better drying. We talk of the ride and agree it's been a rough old day. She readily admits she'd rather have been in the car but we're here now, it's done and dusted so let's just enjoy ourselves. I may yet live to see another day. She's well'ard that woman, she's done things where many much more roughty toughty riders would have turned round and gone home with their tale between their legs.
The more astute among you may notice there's no images from our trip east. We were not in the mood...
Share your tale of woe and misery - click here.
Prologue And A Rough First Day
Prudent as ever Ren accidentally stumbles into a super cheap static caravan north of "Skeg-Vegas". All that remains to be done is getting there. If previous experience of heading east is anything to go by - it might not be that easy.
Reader's Comments
nab301 said :-
Excellent Ren , as always you do it so we don't have to...!
Nigel
28/11/2025 10:09:10 UTC
Ren - The Ed¹ said :-
Thanks nab301. I'm not entirely sure Sharon ever "signed up" to be the fall guy for your entertainment but that's the way the cookie crumbles. You'll have to wait and see how the rest of the trip pans out - but - it is worth noting we returned home on Friday 14th November. I seem to recall there was something in the news about Storm Claudia that day?
28/11/2025 10:48:48 UTC
ROD¹ said :-
Does it really rain at Sunny Hunny?
Hunstanton is one of my nearest coastal towns.
28/11/2025 16:34:20 UTC
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Travel StoriesFrolicking In The Flattish Lands