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Lonesome In The Flatlands
Ride Date 11 Nov 2025
By Ren Withnell
The heating in the static seems to be quite clever. It only has "Off, Low, Steady, Medium, High" settings. If you set it to medium or high it'll warm up for "a number of hours" but at some point it resets itself to steady. At a guess I'd say steady is about 16-18 degrees C, warm enough to go to the loo in the night but not quite warm enough to be lounging around in your undies. It also means if you're out all day the static is warm on your return, but not sweaty. It doesn't take long to get sweaty if you set it to high.
As such when I stagger out of bed at some ungodly hour it's not too cold, despite the endless heavy drizzle outside. It's likely we're both traumatised by yesterday's horrendous ride here and my heart sinks to hear the rain. I have a vision of just being trapped here for 3 more days and nights worrying about what could be an equally miserable ride home on Friday. Chin up Ren, be brave, it'll be fine. I hope...
BBC's weather report on the telly is, errrrm, less gloomy although not exactly inspiring. Less rain but rain still seems to be in our future. I crank the heating in anticipation of Her Ladyship's eventual arising, make a brew, decide the news is too depressing only to end up doom scrolling YouTube shorts.
There's kit hung everywhere. Most of it seems to be drying well - oh god imagine if we'd been camping! Sharon did note last night that both sleeves on my bike jacket were "slightly damp" which suggests the Flexothane waterproof jacket I purchased at Holy Loch Marina in June 2024 is on it's way out. Well I suppose there's one task we could do today - source me a new waterproof jacket. Yay...
For someone who went to hell and back yesterday Sharon appears to be in a positive mood this morning. Yes of course she's disappointed it's still raining but come on, crack on, we'll be fine. She's not right in the head that woman. After some toast and a brew we settle on going into Skeggy to get me a new waterproof jacket then maybe a little ride afterwards. But first we will take a stroll around our new temporary manor.
The beach is bleak and deserted.
Our site - somewhere among the throngs of statics is our static.
It's light drizzle, with occasional showers. And grey. Dull miserable dank moist dour grey. There's only minimal signs of human existence too - one random employee on the site sitting in a small van. The odd car every now and then on the main road. Not a soul on the windswept dank beach. It's creepy. It feels apocalyptic. It's wonderfully interesting, splendidly contrasting, I'm masochistically enjoying this!
Ingoldmells is shut, closed, ferme, cerrado/cerrada, geschlossen. Fabulous!
Ingoldmells is essentially a collection of static caravan sites with associated shops and entertainment. There is the odd car passing through, we see an occasional person walking a dog, otherwise all shops are firmly closed save for a Spar attached to our site. Oh, hang on, what is this?
There's 2 shops open, opposite each other. Both are selling what I would call "excess stock". Tons of weird and wonderful items that are likely going out of date, over-ordered, fell of the back of a lorry and/or did not meet specifications. From knitting wool to hacksaw blades, walking canes to frying pans, model cars to cakes. It is all very strange, fascinating and dare I say - fun! We spend the best part of an hour meandering down the lanes. Some things are so cheap we almost buy them - but do we really need another spanner set and a 25 bag roll of bin bags? Plus we don't have the spare capacity to take all these things home with us on the bike.
"Eclectic" is a word you might use to describe the goods on offer.
Otherwise Ingoldmells is closed. We enter the Spar shop attached to our site. It is small, overpriced and entirely devoid of life save for the lady on the counter, slouched on a stool reading a book, looking as bored as a prisoner in solitary. She barely raises an eyebrow as we enter. After studying the prices we decide we'll shop elsewhere. The lady on the counter can barely muster a "bye" as we depart.
Sharon's found a warmer, drier vehicle to take her home.
Look how "H4PPY" she is!
Back at the site we kit up and get ready to ride. Sharon wisely decides today will be a pillion day so she hops on the back and we're off for the short ride to Skegness. We pass Butlins - it's been a very long time since I was last here, errrrm, 2002, 23 years ago!
Skegness is quite the opposite of Ingoldmells - this is a Tuesday in November and still the town is bustling and busy. We manage to park up and find a small Sports Direct who furnish me with a new waterproof jacket. Outside it takes a mere moment to decide neither of us has any desire to go exploring Skeggy town centre so we mount up and get the hell outta Dodge.
We're out on the flatlands heading towards Mablethorpe for no other reason than, well, we went there a few years back. Regular readers will know we love mountains and vast valleys and lochs and lakes and reservoirs and towering cliffs and remote lonesome roads. So why is it I'm so enjoying riding these flat, featureless, and mostly straight roads?
There's not mountain, hill, or barely a lump in sight.
It takes a moment for me to figure it out. It helps that the rain has stopped and - dare I utter such words - the sun is making occasional hazy vague appearances. That's not it though. So far I can think of 2 reasons.
Firstly the corners we come across tend to be open with good visibility. On a mountain road bends are blind, here they're visible across the field, or at least I can see the line of the hedge as an indication. The corners are sweeping and flowing, with the low grip of winter weather an acceptable pace can still be maintained. I'm not flying fast, I am however flowing comfortably.
These are the corners you want in poor conditions.
Secondly this is a different kind of impressive view. You can see for miles, the skies maybe grey but they are vast. It may lack the showmanship of Alpine regions but it does have that sense of space, it makes me feel small, I feel I can breathe. When we're off the main roads we can dawdle through country lanes admiring huge drainage ditches and massive barns, the spire of a church perhaps 3 miles away. It's big country here, just in a flatter way.
You can see for MILES!!
There's a cafe in Mablethorpe beside one of the many static holiday parks. It's been a while since we were here but I manage to find it - and it's shut. It looks shut for winter if not permanently. Mablethorpe seems to be somewhere between Ingoldmells and Skegness in terms of signs of life. All the tourist stuff is closed ie the ice cream parlours and the arcades, but the regular shops at least appear to be trading and there's a number of mostly elderly people milling around. The preferred method of transport for winter Mablethorpe is the mobility scooter, there's hundreds of them. We drop into the busy Lidl to get supplies.
Mablethorpe does not capture our attention as it did back in 2014, so we just hop back on the bike and allow sat-nav to lead us another merry dance through the flatlands back to the site. En route we pass through the pretty village of Alford and into the tiny village of Bilsby. Bilsby has a petrol station with - oddly - the cheapest petrol I've seen for a while. I pull in and fill up - I must remember this place.
By the time we're turning into Coastfields caravan park it's only 1515 and the day is still young. That being said it'll be dark in an hour or so, the cold is starting to bite a little and after yesterday's escapade I reckon that'll be enough adventuring for today.
Putting the bikes to bed for the night.
The weather always makes a difference. If our ride yesterday and today had been warm and dry our feelings towards Ingoldmells, Skegness, and Mablethorpe would have been more favourable. I am grateful for the chance to see a different aspect of these places.
I often hear people talk with great passion about the places they've been to and fallen in love with while on holiday, I too have fallen for Ullapool and perhaps Riano for example. It's one thing to be there on a pleasant summer's day with no work or chores to fulfil and the novelty of being on tour. It's another thing entirely to live there in the cold and the wet and with a job and bills and a pile of washing up.
As such it is healthy to see this part of Lincolnshire in the rain, devoid of tourists (good) and in some cases any signs of life. It's a different place with a different feel, a new set of emotions, a fresh perspective.
I did fear there'd be no good riding here, the roads certainly are not a match for a Highland or Alpine Pass. There are still corners and if the weather is poor the corners are less stressful than a set of twisters and switchbacks and blind bends. You could still have a lot of fun here in the flatlands. The terrain is no match either yet it still holds it's own kind of awe and magnificence, it just doesn't shout it.
The static is warm. The food is tasty. My flexothane jacket is in the bin and my new waterproof has only been tested lightly. Yeah, it's been a better day today - better than yesterday at least.
Advertise here - contact ren@bikesandtravels.com
Prologue And A Rough First Day
Prudent as ever Ren accidentally stumbles into a super cheap static caravan north of "Skeg-Vegas". All that remains to be done is getting there. If previous experience of heading east is anything to go by - it might not be that easy.
Lonesome In The Flatlands
Ren is hoping for a better day weatherwise and riding-wise too. Ingoldmells is deserted, Skeggy and Mablethorpe ain't up to much, luckily the countryside is better than expected.
Reader's Comments
Bogger said :-
I'm so happy that you're easily pleased. It stops you from moaning so much.
Bogger
13/01/2026 11:29:53 UTC
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Travel StoriesFrolicking In The Flattish Lands